Clean
by starbuckfaerie21
Summary: Set after You Can't Always Get What You Want. Alex and Joel have a late night conversation about something mundane.


" _You're still all over me, like a wine-stained dress I can't wear anymore._

 _Hung my head as I lost the war,_

 _And the sky turned black like a perfect storm._

 _Rain came pouring,_

 _When I was drowning,_

 _That's when I could finally breathe."_

 _-Taylor Swift, Clean_

Clean

 **Disclaimer:** Sadly, I own neither _Saving Hope_ nor Daniel Gillies.

 **Pairing:** Alex & Joel (Jalex)

 **Rating: T**

 **Summary:** Set after You Can't Always Get What You Want. Alex and Joel have a late night conversation about something mundane.

 **Author's Note:** Lyrics to "Clean" belong to Taylor Swift.

Alex Reid walked through the front door of her home with an exhausted sigh. Since she'd recovered from brain surgery, she'd thrown herself back into her work nonstop. She'd work double-shifts all this week, trying to make up for all the time she'd missed while on medical leave.

She threw her bag on the counter, and poured herself a glass of her favorite pinot noir.

 _Churton Marlborough 2012._

The same wine that Joel had gotten her for her last birthday.

The one from New Zealand.

The same wine that she and Joel had shared the night they'd gotten back together all those years ago.

There wasn't much left. And the last glass she'd poured she hadn't even been able to enjoy because she'd dropped it when she'd past out on the kitchen floor due to complications from her first brain surgery.

If Alex looked closely she could still see the dark red stain on the hardwood. The stain had set and try as she might she hadn't been able to clean the spot.

She sighed and took a sip, closing her eyes to savor it. She heard the shower running upstairs and she knew that Joel was in there. The house was otherwise silent so she also knew that the children were already asleep.

 _She missed her children._

 _She missed her husband._

 _She ached with the desire to tuck the kids in at night again._

 _She needed to kiss Joel on the mouth, and wrap her arms around him before they fell asleep together._

 _She wanted to make love to him._

But right now she was so exhausted that it took everything she had just to stand upright.

After a moment, she opened her eyes and realized that the shower had stopped running.

She smiled and took another sip of wine from her glass as she waited for Joel to come downstairs.

As Joel turned off the shower and pulled on a pair of sweats, he wondered if Alex had gotten home yet.

She'd been working hard even since her return to the hospital.

 _Too hard._

 _Just like she had after she'd been stabbed._

Every night this week she'd arrived home exhausted.

It was as if she felt that she needed to prove herself after her injury.

 _To her patients._

 _To her colleagues._

 _To herself._

And the only thing Joel could do was be there for her.

Let her know that she didn't have to prove anything.

 _Not to him._

Joel turned off the light in the master bathroom and hung up the wet towel, he'd used before heading downstairs. As he reached the landing, he saw the light on in the kitchen, and he smiled knowing that Alex was indeed home.

"Hey, Reid." Joel said, softly letting out a low whistle when he saw the dark circles under her eyes and the way a few strands of the wig she wore had even come loose from her ponytail.

 _Just like Alex's natural hair would have after a long day._

 _If it had grown back after her brain surgery._

But what little hair that had grown back had been shaved off during the second surgery.

Joel had spent many nights comforting Alex as she cried herself to sleep, devastated by its loss.

It was as if losing her hair meant that she'd lost a part of herself as well.

"Look at you. Tough shift? He asked, already knowing the answer as he moved closer, delighting in the smile that crossed her face when she saw him.

 _I missed you too, Reid._

Alex sighed, "Tough week." She replied, taking another sip of wine.

He nodded. "I know. Alex, I think you're working too hard. If you keep this up I'll have to get another bottle." He said, pointing to the nearly empty bottle on the counter.

Alex exhaled again, "I just want to get back in the swing of things after taking all that time off."

"Alex you had brain surgery _twice_. It's not like you took a month off to go a tropical vacation."

"Ooh that sounds nice." She said, draining the rest of the wine from her glass. "Can we do that?" She said smiling again as she rested her head on his bare shoulder.

"Yes ma'am we certainly can. But only if you promise to wear a bikini and let me rub sunscreen on your back. What are you smiling at, Doctor Reid?" Joel whispered.

"Just enjoying the view, Doctor Goran. You forgot to put on your shirt. Not that I'm complaining."

 _Alex Reid you saucy minx._

Joel flashed her one of his trademark grins and shook his head. "I did no such thing Doctor Reid. I did it on purpose."

His voice was suddenly soft and seductive in her ear, "I did it for you."

Alex chuckled, "Thank you. I love you."

 _For that and for everything else._

And thank you for getting the kids down."

"No problem, Reid." He replied softly, pulling her into his arms. "And for the record, I love you too. Are you coming to bed?"

Alex nodded, rinsing the glass and setting it in the strainer in the sink to dry. "I can't wait to take this wig off. When do you think my hair will grow back? I miss my hair. Don't you miss it too?"

Joel nodded, "Of course, I do Alex. But it'll grow back. Now, let's go to bed. He whispered, kissing her softly on the mouth.

When she turned to face him, he could see the tears in her eyes. "And I'm sorry I spilled the ridiculously expensive delicious wine on the kitchen floor. I dropped it when I fell. The stain's still there…I can see it…Joel, baby, can you see it?" She whispered, hot tears still running down her face.

She was so tired that she wasn't making any sense and her emotions were all over the map.

Joel shook his head, wrapping his arm around her guiding her toward the stairs, as he spoke, "No, love I can't. I can however see that you need to get some sleep." Alex nodded, drowsily following him upstairs. She made it halfway to the first landing before he picked her up and carried her into the bedroom.

"Yeah," Alex mumbled, her head falling resting on his chest, "That sounds good."

Joel chuckled, "After the week you've had I'm sure it does."

Alex was asleep by the time Joel climbed into bed beside her, her arms reaching out to embrace him even in her sleep deprived state.

"Just sleep, Alex. I'm here. I'm right, here." Joel whispered, kissing away the few remaining tears and pulling off the wig that she both despised and felt like she needed.

But she didn't need it.

Not with him.

He saw the stains on her heart, and he loved her not in spite of, but rather because of them.


End file.
